


You'll Be In My Heart

by Taterz_Tots



Category: jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Adoption, Anxiety, Gen, Like Really Minor But Still Important, Minor Depiction of Child Abuse, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Toddler!Jack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-09 06:56:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12271254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taterz_Tots/pseuds/Taterz_Tots
Summary: Maybe Mark's problems aren't as bad as he thinks. Maybe, this toddler needs him more than he needs the toddler.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't listen to them  
> 'Cause what do they know  
> We need each other, to have, to hold  
> They'll see in time, I know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So [moxielovesshipping](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moxielovesshipping/) was like here are some ideas you can totally have, and I'm like cool, cool, can I like change it tho? and she's like sure (cuz she's cool like that :D). Honestly, it did start somewhat resembling her original idea but then I discovered that Toddler!Jack is Godsend and I had to write more and then it completely got out of hand. So here's a short series of one-shots about this amazing child. Also, Moxie... Hope you don't mind that this is what my idea (of your idea) turned into!
> 
> Couple of things...  
> First) I'm sorry it starts angsty, there is mention of past child abuse -NOTHING GRAPHIC- but tread carefully if even the brief mention of it bothers you.  
> 2) This is set to be in late 2014 (October-ish)  
> C) Chapters will hopefully be out on Wednesday.
> 
> Title: Phil Collins - [You'll Be in My Heart](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7m1Ckmk-P_c)

Adoption had been a huge step, but Mark Fischbach was at the end of his rope.

25 years-old, alone, and depressed he needed something, _someone_ , to keep him afloat. Someone to show him the world wasn’t as dark as it seemed. 

It’s a lengthy, arduous process before they finally come to him with a few options of kids, some older than others, and it starts to feel a lot like window shopping. He hates it.

It doesn’t matter though because none of the kids he meets with are right for him. 

At some point Mark feels like maybe none of this is worth the trouble, maybe he’s not father material, after all, maybe he should just get a dog like a normal person.

He’s about ready to give up but the caseworker invites him back to her office with a new case folder.

Mark is willing but he promises this will be the last child he sees, whatever his decision ends up being.

He’s right.

The boy is the youngest he’s seen so far, four months shy of two-years-old, milky white skin, round, chubby face, and shaggy short brown hair. He’s adorable, there’s no doubt about that, but what really seals it for Mark are his eyes, the brightest blue he has ever seen. Mark finds in them that light he desperately needed.

“We don’t have much information on the biological family other than that hand-written letter,” the caseworker starts, handing him a tattered note to read.

_“To whomever,_  
_I am an ignorant woman lead on under the promise of a better future. I was made a fool, abandoned and kicked to the side with a tiny life growing in me. With no real home, job, or family to help me take care of my baby now that he has been born, I beg of you, of anyone, for God sake to take my child. If I was certain I could take care of the both of us I would never leave my Jack, but I can’t. My only hope is that he will be better-taken care of anywhere else than with me. He was born February 7th, 2013, and if I could dare to ask for more it would be for his name to be Seán William._  
_Forever in your debt,_  
_A broken mother”_

“He was abandoned at the steps of a Catholic church at only days old with nothing but the letter and a small Irish flag” she smiles at that, but there’s no humor behind it. She can see the gears turning in his head, seeing the tattle tales signs of interested already in him. “If Seán does turn out to be the child for you, I must warn you, you wouldn’t be the first person he goes home with… We thought he had found his forever home already, not too long ago”

Mark’s heart is already breaking, he’s not sure if he wants to know but he asks anyway, “what happened?”

“We managed to remove him before it escalated”

“what did they do to him?”

She reaches over to her tablet and hands the device to him, encouraging him to swipe at the photo gallery. Mark can’t help the wide smile that comes to his face seeing the photos of a seemingly happy little boy, that is until he sees the glint in those beautiful blue eyes disappear, and bruises cover the small body.

Mark can't do anything but stare at the pictures. A defenseless baby, with the indent of fingers around his arms and fully open handprints all over his back, bottom, and legs.

Something wet drops on the screen and Mark realizes he’s crying. He’s furious, the caseworker’s words resonating in his mind, _we managed to remove him before it escalated_. He was a baby for crying out loud! It was already bad enough, how much more bad could it possibly get?!

“how long?”

“He was with them for 8 months”

“Eight! …eight fucking months and no one noticed they were…” he huffs, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “eight fucking months?”

“Unfortunately, yes, eight _fucking_ months” she’s visibly shaken, maybe by Mark’s outburst or her own anger, Mark’s not sure, “They were in the process of finalizing adoption when an agent noticed the bruises.” 

“He’s just a baby” Mark’s voice is small and broken, “could I meet him?”

“working with you through this process for the past months I’ve come to learn the kind of person you are, Mark. This reaction now, what I’m seeing in your eyes, I can tell this isn’t about you anymore. This is about Seán; you want to protect him”.

He agrees, "this is about Seán".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you want me to continue this :/  
> Also... if I do continue it, would you like to see Mark's and Jack's first meeting and interaction? or, should we go straight to Mark taking him home?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still angsty... but it gets better.

Mark realizes he’s falling into another one of his episodes as he wakes up on the couch for the third time that day. 

He was told he would get a call from the agency, with the a-ok to meet Seán, the next day. That was 5 days ago and all he’s heard so far has been “we need some time”.

What if they changed their minds? What if they realized he’s not healthy enough to take care of himself, let alone a baby?

What if he’s not good enough? What if Seán hates him? What if he fails him?

He heaves a sigh and runs a hand through greasy, dirty hair. It’s been a while since he washed it last… it’s been a while since he took a shower at all.

His stomach rumbles... it’s also been a while since he ate, and by the look of the dark sky outside the window, it’s been a while since he slept in his own bed too.

He pushes himself up to a sitting position on the couch and checks his phone, 3:46 AM. 

He will ignore his stomach for the time being, and makes his way to his bathroom, ignoring the reflection in the mirror as well. 

He’ll start here. He will take a shower and go to sleep in his way-too-big-for-just-one-person bed. 

He will also TRY to stop feeling sorry for himself.

The adoption agency HAD deemed him suitable, even with his illness. He had proven he was capable. 

He hadn’t had an episode then, but the anticipation now was enough to drive him to panic attacks, push him into depression. He was so close, and yet…

He WILL get better.

If not for himself, for Seán.

He needs him more.

**⇆**

It’s 9 AM when Mark wakes up and he finds 5 hours of sleep is the best place to begin.

The shower before bed has him feeling refresh and, light. Like he’s no longer carrying a pound of dirt on himself.

He decides that the second step is tea, and he sits on the kitchen floor to meditate as he waits for the kettle to boil.

He calls his mom when he’s done with his drink, and starts cleaning the dishes. Her voice calms him and the dishes distract him.

He cooks next. He wants chicken and dumplings so he starts early.

Then he cleans. Taking out the trash, swiping, moping. The whole shebang.

He listens to one of his bosses’ side gig, a comedic band called Ninja Sex Party, while simultaneously going out for a light jog -that eventually turns into a heavy run-.

He gets back home sweaty, hot and full of energy.

He’s done everything he knows has helped him in the past, and although he does feel great, he can’t help the feeling in the back of his mind. Something’s missing.

He checks on the food, makes more tea, and takes a quick cold shower. Dressed in a white t-shirt with blue and purple floral designs and baggy black sweatpants, barefooted and content he puts on a bit of music -instrumental- and lights an incense in the living room. He sits on the floor, in front of the coffee table, with his laptop and a new cup of tea and gets to work. 

Mark gets lost in his programming -grateful his boss has allowed him to work from home when he wasn’t up to the office life- so when the timer on his phone indicates his food is ready, he's genuinely surprised to learn he has spent the majority of his day working.

He turns the timer off, and then the food, serving himself a hefty portion and setting the table for one. He’s about to sit and eat when his phone rings.

He frowns, having left his phone in the living room, and considers letting it go to voicemail… until he remembers he’s actually expecting a call.

His heart beats incredibly fast and he can’t wipe the stupid grin on his face as his case worker asks him the stupidest question he has ever heard. “Can you come by tomorrow?”

**⇆**

They tell him to wait in something reminiscing of the waiting room in the children’s therapist he saw back when his parents divorced.

The floor is patted in colorful foam puzzle pieces, and there are a couple of bookshelves against a wall. There’s a toy organizer, a bag of blocks, and a chalkboard/whiteboard easel on the far back, as well as a small table and chairs that seemed to be taken out of a Disney movie. 

In the middle of the room, a boring brown couch and two armchairs for the grownups.

The moment the door opened Mark wanted to jump up from the couch but restrained himself from doing so, choosing to bounce his legs anxiously instead. His heart beating way faster than what he would had liked. 

He wanted to say everything he was feeling was out of excitement, but his brain provided the word ‘fear’ instead.

He was terrified.

This was it. He HAD to make a good impression.

He had to impress… the, one-year-old?

Almost two-year-old?

'what the hell am I thinking?’ Mark shakes his head, looking up to find bright blue eyes staring at him, his head cocked to the side like a curious puppy.

And Mark will spontaneously combust if this doesn’t work out, because Goddammit he loves him already.

Seán looks up at the woman holding his hand and nods answering something she asked him, she lets go of him with a smile and he runs to the toys, but he has to pass by Mark to do so, so he stops in front of him and waves hello.

Forget what he thought before, Mark will definitely spontaneously combust, like right now as Seán grins and gives him the most adorable high five. 

How manly would it be if he just squeals? Asking for a friend.

Mark is sick, there’s no doubt about that but being here in this moment, watching the boy that has inevitably stolen his heart, well maybe Mark could get better. If it means always seeing that smile, yeah, Mark could do it.

He sits on the floor, where Seán is now sorting out blocks, “hey buddy, can I play too?”

The boy pushes a mountain of blocks he had already pilled up towards him, an invitation, and gets back to work on the second pile made for himself.

And it’s just the two of them for a moment, completely forgetting the two other people in the room, it’s just Mark and Seán now.

Seán has made four 2-blocks-high wide walls connected in a square by four 3-blocks-high towers, a castle. Mark made… a block. 

The not-even two-years-old-yet made a castle while the 25 years-old stacked up blocks together to make a bigger taller block.

The toddler looks at the thing in Mark’s hands and then at Mark, and Mark feels compels to explain himself. “Listen, I’m a programmer, ok, you give me a computer and I’ll build you the best castle you have ever seen, I swear”.

Of course, the toddler has no idea what Mark is talking about so he takes the giant block from his hands and puts it in the middle of his creation, he then stands up and grabs two block people from the toy bins and gives one of them to Mark, “knight”.

“Oh,” Mark grins, “castle, knights, I get it!”

Seán nods and points at his block person, “pince”

“knight Mark and Prince Jack!” he almost shouts, way too excited to be included in the boy’s game.

Seán tilts his head, confused. 

“Seán, your name is Seán, not Jack" He didn’t mean to call him that, not really, it had slipped. He just remembered the letter and how his mother had called him that. "Why would your name be Jack, you don’t know about that, you were a baby, you don’t remember…”

“You Ma’k” the boy smiles, interrupting the rambling grownup, “me Jack”

“You like Jack?” Mark asks surprised. 

“Jack like Ma’k” the boy nods, happy with his new name, “knight Ma’k, pince Jack, fight DRAGON!”

Mark has no idea where the giant Dragon plush toy came from, but there’s a metaphor there somewhere and he’s in for all of it because Jack likes Ma’k and Ma’k likes Jack too. And together they will kick that Dragon’s butt!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jack has a problem pronouncing 'R's and I'm living for it!
> 
> As per usual, thanks for reading!


	3. BONUS CHAPTER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So here are some drabbles that didn't quite made the cut but I liked and still wanted to use somehow.
> 
> A proper chapter will be posted right after this, so don't fret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "It is a fact that children waiting for adoption have had a disruptive and unfortunate home life. Through no fault of their own, these children have been separated from their birth parents, as well as their siblings or extended family in some cases, often leaving them with feelings of loss, grief and a fear of rejection. Because of their experiences, they are eager to belong and long for love and attention. Understandably, these past experiences may cause them to doubt themselves and be suspicious of new adults entering their lives." - [A Foster Care to Adoption Guide](https://www.togetherwerise.org/foster-to-adopt.pdf)
> 
> ((I think I might make this the story summary))

In adoption, children six months and younger don’t get the same treatment children 6 months and older do.

For instance, an infant -up to the six months mark- doesn’t have to go through the visitation process. Because they are young, they don’t get to decide if they like or are comfortable and the right fit for a new family.

Seán was 4 months old when this happened, when he was first assigned to a family and, unfortunately, a four-month-old can’t tell wrong from right.

So, he was taught.

For 8 months Seán had to endure the family’s “lessons”. Lessons like good boys don’t talk without permission, they don’t interrupt, they don’t make noise or cause a ruckus, they don’t cry… just to name a few.

It was a week before his first birthday, the last step to finalize adoption when a member of CASA* noticed the signs.

Seán would hesitate when answering simple yes or no questions, always looking up for approval, being told what to say, and flinching when touched.

He danced back and forth on his feet and pulled on his long sleeves.

That’s when the signs became handprints and the process was immediately halted.

It’s been 8 more months since then, and Seán has been slowly learning to be a child again.

He smiles now, he laughs, he found his voice.

And he’s trying to understand that not everyone is going to be his friend.

No matter how much of a good boy he tries to be.

**⇆⇆⇆⇆⇆**

Mark visits once every weekend for a month.

Four times.

That’s all that is.

And if it seems like that’s enough time, guess what? It’s not.

Because the next step, for things to move forward, are home visits.

Visits, as the name suggests, that allowed Mark to take Seán home with him, but only for the night.

The reason, even if it had already been established that the two were a good match, is because the last time Seán had gone home with a family he had been hurt (and its part of the process).

In theory, things can only get better; in practice, they may well become a lot worse.

But if it does, in fact, all go well they will keep repeating the visits until the toddler is comfortable enough to stay forever.

And that was the goal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [CASA](http://www.casaforchildren.org/site/c.mtJSJ7MPIsE/b.5301295/k.BE9A/Home.htm) = Court Appointed Special Advocates.
> 
> National CASA is Transforming Lives  
> Nearly 700,000 children experience abuse or neglect each year. Instead of playing with neighbors and making happy family memories, they’re attending court hearings, adjusting to new foster homes and transitioning to new schools. That’s a heavy burden for a child to carry. With a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) or guardian ad litem (GAL) volunteer dedicated to their case, America’s most vulnerable children will have someone speaking up for their best interests. With your support, more children will have the opportunity to thrive in a safe and loving home.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I didn't give you the gift of life,  
> Life gave me the gift of you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUNNY STORY... Toddler Jack is based on a combination of both my kids at that age.  
> So, I have a series of videos of my son from a few years back (he was probably 2 then) where he's clearly very busy building with his blocks and I'm just, there, "bothering" him xD.  
> [Video 1](https://www.instagram.com/p/sgjJJtBz-dfGn6y_AYg5H9IE-HNUTHxN3CJCM0/?taken-by=taterz_tots)  
> [Video 2](https://www.instagram.com/p/sgjfHMhz-00vLrrFJxmqbR558ZUAKhOwuLmb80/?taken-by=taterz_tots)  
> [Video 3](https://www.instagram.com/p/sgj-4khz_bn5AYPq3EwEEa7vTGvyc1ePQg6Os0/?taken-by=taterz_tots)  
> And this is where my inspiration comes from. Have a laugh while you still can, I will make my Instagram private again after a few days :D

After months of grueling processing, interviews, and visits, today was the day. Today was the day Mark was finally taking Seán home with him.

His caseworker was right though, adopting was no longer about him and his needs. It was now about the owner of the mesmerizing blue eyes, Seán William Doe* -or Jack like his mother had called him in the letter. 

It was about the adorable almost-two-year-old dragging him all over the visitation room by the sleeve of his shirt, handing him mega blocks left and right and demanding he helped build a ‘catle’.

Mark sat on the floor, crisscrossed applesauce, chuckling as Jack removed every block he put down because, according to the toddler, it was ‘wong’.

Jack is still babbling “angrily” to a laughing Mark when the door behind them open, “Hey!” their caseworker peaks in, “we’re all set, are you ready?”

He takes a nervous breath and nods. “hey buddy”

Jack looks up at him, “hey bubba*"

And Mark’s heart melts. “you ready to go home now?”

Jack thinks about it, “home wit Ma’k?”

“Yeah, bud, home with Mark”

“oka”

**⇆**

Jack had been to Mark’s house before, this wasn’t the toddler’s first rodeo. Jack knew that upstairs, right across from Mark’s bedroom, there was a room just for him.

Mark went right into making them lunch when they first arrived at the house, and then they went upstairs and spent most of their day in that room playing.

It was a very nice room and Jack liked best that there was only one bed in it, a very comfy castle shaped bed with a second floor and a slide! It was an amazing bed and Mark had said he was the prince of it!

There were toys, too, in this room, and books that Mark read to him, and nice clothes that Mark had also gotten for him. But there was something Jack didn’t like and that was that, even though all of this was his, he couldn’t take any of it with him to the other place and, if he could count correctly, Jack would tell you that he has only slept overnight in that room “dis many!” while holding up one hand open and two fingers up on the other. Not enough to enjoy his things if you asked him.

Plus, he also liked spending time with Mark, and he couldn’t do that if he had to leave again.

“Alright bud,” Jack watched as Mark got up from the floor, where they were playing, “how about we go back downstairs and get something to eat, huh? It’s getting late and _someone_ needs a bath”

“Don’ wanna”

“Now, come on Jack, I know the berries were delicious but we need more in our tummies than just a few crackers and fruit if we want to grow big and strong, right?”

He shakes his head, “Jack ‘tay”

“Jack stays?” he nods, “I mean, yeah sure ok, you can stay in here while I make us something to eat but you’ll still have to come down eventually to eat it”

“No, Jack ‘tay here!”

Mark frowns and Jack wishes his toddler-brain knew more words to explain what he meant!

How could he tell Mark, with his limited vocabulary, that although he was in fact hungry, taking a bath afterward meant one of two things; One) when they were done and he had been dressed, Mark was going to get him in the car and take him back to the other place. Or, two) Mark would tuck him into his bed, and he would sleep here, but in the morning, after breakfast, Mark would still take him back to the other place! It was a lose-lose situation and he didn’t want any of the options.

“Help me out, bud” Mark crouches back down to the toddler’s level, seeing the gears turning in the boy’s young mind.

Jack nods, he will help Mark understand. He brings both his hands up to Mark’s cheeks, holding his face in place as he stared intensely into the brown eyes of his bubba.

“Jack ‘tay here”, he waits until Mark nods, understanding him so far, “wit Ma’k” 

Mark takes a deep breath and his eyes are wide. Jack waits for him again, and when he nods this time it’s slower than the first. 

“Fo’eve”

The toddler’s words take Mark’s breath away completely and tears begin falling from his eyes.

Jack takes his hands off his face, scare, not understanding what made the grown-up cry like that. He frowns and his lip quivers, maybe Mark didn’t want him to stay. What if the reason Mark always took him back was that he didn’t want him either?!

“I’ sorry”, he sobs, head down as he backs away, “I’ sorry Ma’k”

“No, Jack, no, oh God no” Mark comes near him, scooping him up from the floor and into his chest, “please don’t cry” he soothes, rubbing his back, “ _I’m_ sorry”

Mark tries to calm the boy down with gentle words, rocking him in his arms, rubbing his back and hair, but nothing seems to quiet the sobs.

“Jack, baby, look at me,” he tries again after a little while, sitting on the toddler bed now, “can you look at Mark for a second?” The boy moves his face from Mark’s shoulder, hesitantly, “there’s my prince!” Mark coos smiling softly at him, he cleans the boy’s tears with the sleeves of his long shirt. “I’m sorry I scared you, Bubba, I’m not mad at you, I promise, these are happy tears, see?” he smiles bigger, “I’m happy”

“Ma’k happy?” the boy sniffles, bringing the back of his small hand up to his nose and “wiping” it 

“Mark is very happy” he chuckles cleaning the snot off his cheek and hand, “I promise you, Seán, I have never been as happy as I am right now” he brings the boy close to his chest again, in a big comforting hug, “do you really want to stay here with me, forever?”

Jack hums in agreement, burring his head on the nook of Mark’s neck, “I ‘tay here”

And Mark chuckles again as more tears slip down his eyes, he kisses the side of Jack’s head and holds him a bit tighter, “God, I love you so much, kid”

They still have a bit more work to do, but this right here, this was a huge step.

“You stay here”

“Fo’eve?”

“Forever, bubba”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -"Doe"- A placeholder name that can refer to objects or people whose names are temporarily forgotten, irrelevant, or unknown in the context in which they are being discussed.  
> -"Bubba"- An affectionate word for a loved one. (In this case, I will be using "bubba" as Jack not being able to pronounce the word "buddy" correctly, just because it's cute).


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dad of Heart, Not of Blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Then the traveler in the dark,  
> Thanks you for your tiny spark,  
> He could not see which way to go,  
> If you did not twinkle so,  
> Twinkle, twinkle, little star,  
> How I wonder what you are!"
> 
> A lot of people don't know this, but "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" has actually 5 verses... In the previous version of this chapter I wrote, I included Mark singing the song to Jack. This verse, I think sums up what I'm trying to do with their relationship. btw, Mark is the traveler and Jack is the star :)

The first time Jack slept over Mark’s house the man was so scared he allowed the boy to sleep in his oversized bed, while he sat in the corner making sure the boy’s chest kept its continuous rhythm.

The second time Jack had had a rough day at “the other place” and to make him feel better Mark made them a fort, with fairy lights connecting one couch to the other and holding up the blanket walls. They had movies and snacks and a comfy pillow floor, along with some new plushy friends. They spent their night in there.

The third time they fall asleep on the couch watching Nick Jr. When Mark woke up in the middle of the night with stiff muscles from the uncomfortable position he was in, he feared he would end up waking the boy if he tried moving so he sucked it up and went back to sleep, hugging the toddler close to his chest.

The fourth time Mark gets the custom castle bed made for his little prince. Of course, that night Jack slept in his own bed… until 2 AM when Mark heard giggling coming from the room and found the boy having a blast sliding down the castle’s slide. That night Mark also slept in the toddler bed.

The fifth, sixth and seventh time went the same as the fourth time. “ _‘Get him a bed with a slide’_ he said _‘it’ll be fun’_ he said”.

The Eighth time Jack slept over Mark’s house was the first time he didn’t have to leave, and after an emotional afternoon Mark showered the boy with cuddles and they nuzzled together in his own grown-up bed again, they slept peacefully that night wrapped around each other.

Jack was over the moon the next day when nighttime came once more and Mark was tucking him into his bed instead of into his car seat. 

But of course, he’s back up and on the move once the clock hits 2 AM.

The first time it happens Mark nearly shits himself as he watches his bedroom door slowly creak open and a small shadow sneak in.

Jack scrubs at his barely opened eyes as his little feet carry him deeper into the room, clear pacifier bobbing in his mouth. He grabs onto the bed’s duvet and, like someone with years of practice, uses it as leverage to climb on the bed. Once there, he crawls closer to the body of heath and curls himself against it.

Right, this is something new for the toddler, he finally gets to have all the cuddles he deserves and more. Of course, he’s gonna take advantage of that.

Mark pulls the covers over them both and hugs the boy closer, “alright bud, you can sleep with me tonight, but only because your cuddles are amazing, and it’s going to be just this once, ok?”

It’s not ‘just this once’. Mark realizes this when it happens again, and again, and again… and you get the point.

It’s been a week and, honestly, Mark is used to it by now and welcomes it with open arms. That doesn’t mean he’s going to stop “complaining” to the boy every time he does it, though.

Tonight, however, when the clock reaches 2 AM Mark is not in his bed as usual. He sits by a small desk in the corner of the room, engrossed on his laptop as he works on fixing some bugs in his code. He doesn’t have to though lucky enough that his bosses, Arin and Dan, are actually two of his closest friends and had granted him an untold amount of Paternity Leave time. Today was just one of _those_ days, and while Jack kept him busy during the day, at night Mark was restless and his work seemed more interesting than sleep.

It’s not until there’s a slither of light coming into the room that he notices the time and the tiny human creeping sleepily to his bed.

“Hey bud”

Jack rubs at his eyes but continues on his way, ignoring the man in the corner.

He watches as Jack climbs on the mattress and crawls to the center of it, his baby blues wide as he looks around in a panic. He whines around the pacifier in his mouth, a broken “Ma’k?” as he finally sees the dim lights of the computer.

Mark chuckles, quickly saving his progress and closing the programs, “sleepy boy finally noticed daddy’s not there to cuddle?”, he shuts the laptop, hands frozen on top, brain realizing the words that just came out of his mouth. 

His heart beats fast and his breathing becomes sporadic. Images of Jack rejecting him, pushing him, leaving him, hating him, already filling his mind.

A whine and a sob bring his attention back and Mark has to swallow the lump in his throat down. He wills his legs to move, slowly, until he’s by the side of the bed. 

As soon as his bottom touches the mattress Jack is on him, holding onto his shirt and burying his face in his neck, Mark wraps his arms around him bringing him to his chest as he settles on his side.

One of Jack’s hands scratches at his hair, something Mark had learned meant he wanted the same be done to him.

Mark plays with the boy’s hair, rocking him from side to side a little, trying to sooth the quiet sobs still coming from him. “Hey, it’s alright, I’m here” he kisses his head, pushing his own fears away “I’m here, Seán, I’ll always be here”

The boy’s hand comes to his face, holding his cheek like he did when asking for attention, sleepy eyes looking up at him “Ma’k here, Ma’k no leave”

“I’m never going to leave” he takes a deep breath, taking in the comforting smell that is Jack. “I love you so much”.

Comforting the toddler brings all of Mark’s worries to a halt, but he can’t help feeling like he’s always doing something wrong, and if he’s not, he knows he eventually will, and it’s hard to realize that sometimes when he feels like that, the boy feels it too.

Mark will beat himself over, not knowing Jack thinks it’s all because of him. And just when he thinks Jack hates him and doesn’t want anything to do with him, Jack wraps his little arms around him never wanting to let go.

And he knew, even when it had started as a means to benefit himself, that he was going to have to take care of someone else too, It just never occurred to him that he was going to be so young and in much more need than he, a full grown adult, would ever be.

“I wuv you, Ma’k”

And even if it was too soon and the word just escaped him, even if Jack never calls him that, he knows this is his truth. 

Jack loves him, and he’s happy with just being ‘Ma’k’ forever as long as he gets to hear more sleepy ‘I wuv you’s.

Because at the end of the day ‘daddy’ is just a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why I needed to explain in such way that Jack didn't sleep in his room the first few nights, or that he likes to sneak into Mark's room in the middle of the night... I rambled too much on this and I hope what I was trying to portrait didn't get lost somewhere in all that. :/


End file.
